It’s been 3 weeks since I had to say goodbye to my baby boy, my best friend, my companion, Mijo. There are no words that can accurately describe the type of heartbreak I feel. My home simply feels empty. There is a massive hole in my life, one that nobody or anything can fill. And even though I was prepared for this day, nothing truly prepares one for the loneliness you feel once you say goodbye to someone you’ve spent nearly every day of the past 14yrs with. Mijo, you were everything to me. My whole world. You were always there, loving me without judgement. You taught me about patience, loyalty, the true meaning of family and how to live life in the moment to the absolute fullest. Even in your absence, you continue to teach me, with a final lesson on learning how to let go. I’ve struggled with that the most in life, letting go. We both knew your time had come and I had no choice but to learn how to let you go. You taught me how to say goodbye, be present and enjoy the time we had left.
I am still learning because I miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I miss your bark. Your howl. I miss your stubbornness. Your unconditional love. I miss your daily excitement. How you commanded everyone’s attention. I miss your warm cuddle at night. Sleeping next to me, burrowed under the blankets. I miss your absolute laziness in the mornings. I miss your kiss. Your licks. I miss hearing the pitter-patter of your feet on the wood floor and the jingle of your name tag when we went for walks. I miss chauffeuring you to and from my parents, watching you enjoy the car ride with your big floppy ears flying in the wind. I miss playing ball and randomly finding your bones hidden behind the pillows. I miss your routine of trying to prepare the perfect spot to sleep in. I miss holding you in my arms. I miss seeing you every where I was and the multitude of looks you would give me. That face of yours was irresistible, no dog I’ve ever met was cuter. I miss writing music with you by my side. Be it upstairs or downstairs, you always found your way to me when I was working on music. I miss you now when I paint, often I look down to my feet, but you are no longer there. I miss your wet nose in my ears. That nose never rested for a second to explore your environment, you lived to search with it. I miss how we began each day, with a long walk around the neighborhood, rain or shine, that was a constant. You greeted every human and fellow canine with unabashed curiosity and joy. I miss you on happy days and, especially, on sad ones – you always made me feel better, just by being your adorable self. Above all else, I miss coming home to you. Those receptions were priceless. You were what made my place feel like home.
Day in and day out, I will miss sharing every aspect of my life with you. A part of me is gone forever, a part of me I will never give or share with anyone else. That part of me was yours, and yours only. I am so very grateful and honored that you, the sweetest soul I’ve crossed paths with in a lifetime, chose to love me with all of your heart. It was a true gift and joy to be your daddy. Every day, I knew how lucky I was to get to spend my life with such a unique and special spirit. You were such a beautiful and noble little fella, whose personality dominated both my home and my parents. Your energy ruled us all. That is why I still look for you when I wake up in the mornings and before I go to sleep at night. I still look for you when I’m cooking in the kitchen, when I look down the hallway or when I’m walking upstairs. I still look for you outside on the balcony. I still check to see if you’re sleeping at the end of the couch. I can still feel you here with me, but I can’t see you anymore. And that’s okay my beautiful baby boy, because I know that you will always and forever be in my heart and on my mind. I hope you left this world knowing that you were loved more than life itself, that you touched so many souls and brightened the light of everyone you met. You were my everything. And I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. Mijo, I love you. I know one day I will see you again and until then, I’ll meet you in my dreams for walks on our favorite mountain top, you know the one…
“If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets” – Haruki Murakami
Rest in peace sweet Mijo.